In a second....I can capture you for life
Sometimes the eye, the brain or the heart moves just a fraction too fast for unseen and unnoticed moments that are forver forgotten.
With a click of shutter you can pause real life......forever.
I always was a young Punk with a little differing attitude to most of the crowd (within a crowd).
I would love the music so intensely that others seemed to be on some ego trip and want to behave as wild and loud and vulgar as possible.
I loved photography even before I actually knew that I did...and so when the two loves of my life danced together from 1980 onwards the sound and visuals were beautiful to me.
I left school at the age of 13 when my parents moved from South London (where I was born) to rural Southern ireland just as the Sex Pistols turned the U.K. air-blue on Bill Grundys Today TV programme.
That was not the best direction to be heading...away from the most potent force in music since the Hippie-Movement in the 1960s.
But I have learned that I was 'too young'...then it would have meant next-to-nothing for me and so a few years until our families return to the U.K. (in 1980) went by and in that time I realised it was more of a yearning to witness and behold the power and anger of Punk in the 80s.
The 70s punks, bar a notable few (Marion -Said-Elliot...or Poly Styrene to you) were just image and relevent words to wheel out to a nation of angry young kids...as much as they spouted change...they almost all spooned up the systems soup-kitchen handouts for a return for more better guitars (Hi Joe Strummer) and posher hotels (Hi Joe Strummer again!!).
A few years went by and I hit 16 years of age and by that time there was a undertow pulling at the legs of the big-star-punks that had all but 'sold-out' to a record label demand for a nice payday.
I will not label it anything (UK Punk that was 1980-1986)...it just turned up when I walked one day into a tiny side street record shop in Dublin called 'Advance Records' (this shop was big enough for 15 people or so...you would regularly see Bono, The Edge (both of tiny pop band called 'U2'!) Virgin Prunes etc inside or outside in those days and I caught U.2. live in a tiny club called McGonagles in Dublin a few streets away in early 1979....same line-up as now and playing to about 30 people (and most of those were not that interested) and the record shop had a U.K. Punk record I regonised that was advertised in the UK Music-Paper called Sounds.
It stated on the small corner-page advert from the unknown 'Clay' records label....'Hard, Fast, Raw'...all elements I fancied a lot then...and would do for about another 8 years at least.
The band were called 'Discharge' and hailed from Stoke-on-Trent in the Midlands and so I asked the owner to play it (a request he more often than not would do for anyone) it went on the deck and then the sound that came out was like a crack in the sky.....a new colour and new sound for the ear....it was seemingly everything I had never knew I wanted....It was like Christmas time all year round in my ears.
As he took the needle off the grooves (after just the one 'aural slab of audio' that was ' a track' of the 4-track e.p.) his face was one of relief and mine was the other side of emotions.....I bought the entire stock of the 'Realities of War' Discharge E.P's. from Advance Records on the spot.......the sole and ONE copy he had ordered...!!
I owned the entire stock of Clay Records Discharge single in Southern ireland...as Advance were way ahead of any other shop there...and they only 'risked' the one copy...that one I had just nabbed...!!
It must have been around March 1980 and it signalled the start of something that would capture me for many many years to come.
A defining moment.....that lasted a lot lot longer
Within weeks of buying 'Realities of War' 7 Inch single...what had happened to the family (leaving the U.K. when Johnny and boys were punking it out in '76) would happen in reverse (some 3 years or so later).....we hit England in 1980 as Discharge were still putting the studs into the 'Realities' leather jacket...!!!
Now......the timing was right for what was to come for me.
I headed out with dole-money in pocket to rack-up as many Punk vinyl offerings and Live Punk gigs, Photographs and Memorabilia (posters, tickets, set-lists, plectrums etc) as I could punk-humanly get my greedy mitts at.
It saw me amass around 500 gigs in just a few short years......with usually some sort of photographic capturing device thrown into the ripped n torn lining of my (very own Discharge 'Realities') studless leather jacket.
I was 16 years and half when we got back to England....and I was living at home in a little seaside town called Margate (the Eastern extreme of the UK) some 75 miles east of the capital London...where it all seemed to be happening (for me).
The Punk bands came up and sprouted seemingly off the huge bow-wavebreaks Discharge had made by lobbing their 4-track e.p. into the 1970s punk seas of say The Clash, Public Image, Slaughter & the Dogs and the Ruts (sure I liked and loved those bands early on)...but by the time Discharge (and those who 'followed' them) barged those 'old bands' unceremoniously flat onto their stagnant arses....it was 1980 and things were no longer like they wanted and had it.
The 75-mile trip was always by train and that 4-hour journey was a 150-mile trip that seemed just 'part and parcel' of a Punk Rock 'gig' for me (& the cost too!!).
As you may have gathered Discharge were (and as far as I, and a world full of ex-Punks and now-Punks and soon to be 'punks') THEE BAND....(and 'yes' before you say it....I know their lyrics can be 'questioned' and also their 'political stance' and whether it was a deep belief or just surface-superficial-words).
Words can move me and make me tingle....Discharge were the (un?) 'musical' equivilent of this effect.
So they were the ones who hit me deeper than any other band at that time.
It took me from 1980 till 1984 to actually get 'my own' 35mm camera...but even without owning one I always borrowed or just used other peoples for quite a few years (and even more gigs!).
1980
We arrived in April at Margate and by the time the first giro from the 'dole' was cashed I was already seeing gigs in London and buying records....Cockney Rejects, Angelic Upstarts...and quite a few minor gigs around too...but I was always waiting to get to experience and 'taste' Discharge.
I had to wait till October the 19th before they 'came to town' (well that 150 mile trip to London!) and managed to catch the UK Subs (later on) the same night across London too.
Yes The Lyceum gig with U2 (oh hello again Bono!) and of all bands 'Slade' (A UK Glam band from the 1970s!).
So if you ever wanted to pay 3 English 'quid' and see such contrasting bands then this my punk friends was it...!!!
It wasn't till after witnessing this hissing, white-noised 35 minute-debacle that I realised the image would and should have stayed longer than the 'sound'...I didnt take a camera as some gigs (like The Lyceum) were bouncer-orientated so as the camera wasn't mine I could do without them saying 'You can't come in with that'.
I had been duly bitten by a need now to capture what I saw aswell as felt, and heard....I needed something solid to pick up and say...I know 'how that moment felt'...the noise...the power...the movement...the light and smells...all in just one click.
I caught Discharge 2 more times in 1980 (once in a small town in the midlands called Nuneaton at the '77 Club' in the height of winter 1980) and even saw The Exploited and Killing Joke...all of which were great in their own rights (as different as they were!!!) and a camera was being taken (when I could afford 'film' for it that is) more and more.
I got my first Live gig shots of Discharge with Tezz, Bones, Rainy and Cal at the Music Machine in North London in December 1980...with the backdrop stating in splattered black ink on a white sheet rather tongue-in-cheekily....'So Punk is Fuckin' Dead?'.
1981
Started off where '80 had left with the Sounds music paper scoured for news on Discharge and more Punk Rock gigs to get too and photograph aswell.
I was travelling further afield more and more, outdoing the distance to tiny Nuneaton by going to see Discharge in Birmingham and Manchester and taking the camera again.
Support came in the form of a viny-lless Brummie (Birmingham) band of punks called 'G.B.H' and boy they were good....musically and live wise..a smoother punk sound but a great band for Discharge to play with although Discharge now were headlining now as 'Realities of War', 'Fight Back' and the Decontrol E.P's saw them become 'something' in the Punk scene and by the time the WHY' E.P/LP/12 Inch (You decide what is is...!) ear-shrapnel had penetrated your inner cranial chambers they were already on their way up into the higher ranks of the UK Punk scene in '81.
I first 'met' Discharge at the Nuneaton gig in November last year and spoke more and more to all members and slowly got lifts back from gigs to wherever they could help me out to.
Soon to be unleashed on the whole of the UK was the 'Apocalypse Now' Tour in Spring '81 and duly the beat master Tezz (Terry Roberts) had been replaced by David 'Bambi' Ellesmere (formerly of UK punk band 'The Insane')....and it seemed like a superb idea although I would like to credit Tezz with the Discharge drum rhythm-sound...although most punks still liked who they liked and didn't like everyone else on the bill...which centered around Discharge, The Exploited, and Chron Gen mostly...I was into all the bands and 'went on the tour' grabbing posters, flyers, tee-shirts, patches, tickets and hankies and badges etc.
But as it was such long tour and all over the country too...I chose to see more gigs..than spend money on camera film and see less gigs....I can still see the sense in that...what it really meant after the tour was over is that that was a wrong choice after travelling by coach from after a gig in Leicester to one the following day in Manchester with a guy called Nigel (maybe he was in early Discharge?) anyway we made it to Manchester for a gig in the western side of central Manchester (built-up and not pretty by a long way!) we got stopped by two black muggers and as they were armed it was a 'talk yourself outta this situation as quick as possible' scenario in West central district...only for Nigel (who was following Discharge aswell to utter straight away to them both 'He's got loads of money'...they focused on me and took the lot...£30, and my rail travel card (useless for them with my soapy spkiey-haired photo of a white-punk upon!) and then they walked off (with my £30...maybe enough for 5 more gigs back then...assuming I was getting in on the guest-list and cheap child-fare coach tickets etc!!!)....only one of those two muggers asked the other to throw me some (of my own) change (back) and my card..which he did...I received 52 English pence...Nigel lost nothing and my Apocalype Now Tour ended there and then.
But I still managed to see the gig...Cal kindly put me on the guestlist upon chatting with me after hearing about my predicament and the gig was featured in a centre-spread in Sounds music paper an issue later.
I got a lift back south to Stoke with Discharge in the van after the gig and slept at the drivers (Martins) the night and hitch-hiked home on a sunny Sunday...broke but kinda happy in a way...and yes the 52p got me to London and stayed with a relative and she gave me some money to get back to Margate.
More gigs and more memorabilia and more photographs as I racked up more 'n' more as the months and '81 went by...Discharge would always reel me in with a gig I could afford and get to.....working around my unworking dole-day signing ons!
Manchester again and they even played at the 100 Club too later on in the year.
By this time many many punk bands were forming or 'getting a name' for themselves....Vice Squad, Anti-Pasti, Exploited, Chron Gen, The Insane, Anti-Nowhere League...every week a new name would pop up...more than likely from Bristol....!! Disorder, Chaos UK, etc
'Bambi' was killed off and the seat was then filled by superb drummer Garry Maloney (formerly of The Varukers who I liked a lot)...I think for me this was my favourite Discharge time.
As the best punk LP sound-wise of all-time was released...'Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing' then the best had come and so it was a wonderful moment indeed. The tracks were awesome and brutal...they hurt you with the power and attack...but do you know the best thing about this LP....?
...the production
it justified everything that punk could be....it showed heavy metal how to be nothing more than fun-time theatrics.
It put punk into history...for once and for all.
I recall going to my last gig of the year in Northampton in December and the snow was so deep and it was so cold too...but Discharge made and played it...and even though the trains froze and broke down on the way to a relatives...trudging 10 miles across deserted roads and fields was nowt to grumble over afterwrads.
That was the first and last time I saw punks turn up wellington boots and not 'DM' boots.
The very first signs of a 'change' in Discharge's unique sound was with the single 'Never Again' in 1981...yeah sure the black 'n' white wrapping was the same but 18 months in the band were 'leaning' to a newer sound....it was subtle.....but noticeable.
1982
Kicked off in top form and punk was everywhere in Sounds and on the gig lists
I had moved out of home and shared a flat with a few people but Margate for me was a place to leave and go to gigs in London or further afield.
It was great time living seemingly free at the age of 18-19 and doing what just you liked (well almost!) but living ina seaside town in the U.K. was a dangerous place for a young punk...not really at any time other than 'Bank/PublicHoliday' times. These were the times when gangs of 'music scene' young kids would come down there in armies and end up sooner not later, fighting with each other.
The Mod revival of 1980 was very strong and also the skinhead movement too...the Punks and Teddy Boys were in the minority and I nearly ended up in hospital...once when three of us were spotted in town on a deserted Sunday evening by a roaming gang of 30 Mods who chased us..we managed to get onto a bus but not before they caught us and punched gig and damged us....the slit in my Punk jacket was from a knife....it didn't, luckily go any deeper.
Later on in the year Discharge toured on the back of their new single called 'State Violence-State Control'.
Which was the last strummer Mr Bonio's would do and promptly upped and left the best Punk band ever at that time...brave boy.
It shook a young punks world...erm like mine....and there was a gap, a lull while Discharge regrouped and filled the gap.
Other punk was all over the media just getting bigger and better...even the Anarcho underground stuff was popping up and Crass who had been around since 1978 and new punks Conflict etc were getting a lot of attention and gigs.
Squatted centres sprang up (Iberico) and also Zig-Zag club both in London.
A noise called 'Venom' were interesting..a geordie 3-piece that sounded like Discharge locked in a heavy-metal prison next door 'live in concert' on an a.m. radio...and the reception was not tooned in either.
Labels seemingly happy releasing punk came out of the woodwork all over the country and small bands and tiny bands even could get a look in now...aswell as the big touring bands at the Lyceum etc.
I was still living in deepest east kent but kind of loving the idea to be in London...just a 'bunked' tube ride away from any gig in the music press.
1983
ahhh the year that Punk went wild (for me) it took a cold month for a gig to come along living in Margate then Discharge popped up in London then went on a tour in March with their new guitarist Pete (Pooch) Purtill...a heavy-rocker with a shaped guitar...you can see and also hear the change in Discharge straight away...The 'Bones' Discharge was dead and a new Discharge was created...I recall feeling like it was 'over' but although the '83 Discharge really were lively and seemed to enjoy their 'music' more it had changed and it was never ever going to be the same again...that took them all over the country and me aswell. I stopped off in London as some friends squats (Pembleton Road, Essex Road and Offord Road in Highbury & Islington) a welcome place to crash even though it was just a bare empty house....I even was the sole travelling punk from England to make it to their Glasgow (Scotland) gig....and I ended up doing the 'light-show' for Discharge...!!!
No-one could do it so some guy just plonked me on the machine and said "Go up and down with these a lot" but dont leave them on high.
But I had my camera...and you just know how I love to 'wait' for the right shot dontcha!!!
Discharge were cooked and browned on both sides...and played an extra SHORT set as they were sweating so much.
Yes I got some good photos but they only played 35 minutes...and the crowd were not happy shouting "rip off", "English Cunts" and "Go home".....ooops...sorry guys.
Some weeks later it was featured in the UK press gig review and they slated Discharge too for it.
So I never did get to work for Pink Floyd on their tours after that!!!
Got to see Conflict, The Mob and even a smattering of Heavy during 1983 (& some in 1982) as I always loved Motorhead and also my brother was into metal and he took me to see AC/DC in 180 for free...but I liked iron Maiden and caught them live in 83, but Punk gigs were the calling for me still.
And squatting took me finally from Kent to London and squatted around Islington for a few months with what was to be the first seeds of the 'Hackney Hell Crew'...but they were have to move to Hackney to register as 'true' Hackney-hell Crewers first of course.
If you want to read more about ´The Hackney Hell Crew / Krew´ then click the ´Squatting´ page above and you get the lowdown on its early formulative days and people involved etc...from my angle that is.
Skateboarding reared it wheeleified head in 1983...I did it in 1978 and quickly acquired one building it myself from various decks I'd bought from small kids on council estates when I moved over to Hackney in May.
Living in a council block with Palmer, Cheryl Hardcore (from Huntingdon Street) and a few floors away from the Assassins of Hope (Mike, Chantelle and Jozi). It was freedom and despite getting burgled and actually chasing the robbers (would you do that now???) it was great.
More squats were 'opened up' on our estate until there were about 3 or 4 places with Punks in...A few punks from the Woking area turned up and that link ws complete for the future.
Alien and Martin Squarehead Ryan turned up once and made their way to Hackney around August too.
A secret Discharge gig in the hot summer at a town hall in Stoke was good.
I caught Iron maiden and Motorhead live and a few Metal bands like Rock Goddess and Tank..these were good gigs and fun...but nothing like the madcap antics we were having at Punk gigs now I squatting in London with Alien, Martin, Palmer, Olly, Nick, Andy Martin etc.
Also a new strange type of music entered my life....Thrash Metal...
Firstly heard Metallica in 1983 and grabbed their debut album and also new I liked one (of the 2 Yankey bands called) Slayer..just a question buying the right one...all glammed up with make-up and leather n chains (as metal does) but what was coming out of the speakers was phenonenal...we all talked like they had sped it up and no-one could play that fast etc....erm they could and it was to get faster and faster and more absurd the years went by.
Bedded down in deepest Hackney (Balcorne Street estate) and also went on tours with Conflict which was great...that band stood their ground against everything...violence and intimidation...especially up north..they gave you belief in your self to feel important and strong.
Also bands like Icons of Filth were coming through and the 'Disorder dance' was well and truly discoverd by one of us at a gig...so funny to do....but so tiring too....even the Disorder singer joined in...!!
Squats are transitional and people flow through it and come n go quickly while a nucleas stick together.
Somehow you try to sort things out but with 15 young kids (and a few girls in there too including a 14-year old runaway) things are always going to be fraught we arguments over anything really.
Like talking to Cal at the 100 Club about his new shaved tied-back mohican...you just know you should not have said that to him....!
Squats got smashed up when everybody bar me Terry and someone else stayed up in our squat for christmas.
Very frightening when council estate drunken people kick in your doors at 1 am and smashing up next doors empty squat and even Mike and Chantelles one below..we rescued the cats..Nero, Tilley etc. And tidied it up
Not a good way to see the year off when your dad cuts the arms off of your Discharge 'Fight Back' jacket is it...maybe, just maybe my dad knew that when bones left that was it...!!!!
1983 disappered with these lines ringing in my ears......"State Control...State Control...This Is Rocken rawl"
1984
George Orwell was right...mainly about Venom....!! But on the Punk front it was a cold squatting wake up in Hackney in ´84....but on the brighter side (of loif) we discovered the U.S. Powerhaus quartet of Crucifix, Who came and conquered us lot of rabbley punks. Along with Antisect they toured the UK in the early months adn we skateboarded around to see them in such lavish and downright ostentatious resorts and locations as Oldham, Leeds, Birmingham, London and Southampton etc. Crucifix merged power and and speed so well...they were lively as an electricfied punk snake..always somethign to see..body energy from their limbs like their songs and words whiplashed out of each and every one of them..just like their words. Antisect...played it military....front and still and preacher like....they had the delivery to pull it off..as regimented as they were..they still were such an important band of that era. Dirt were around giging a lot too as were Subhumans...but Conflict really kicked it off in 84 for me. When they took a stage...it was like...anyhting was possible from them (& punk......!!!). They charged you up with ideas and ideals and then it was just a question of "Do you really want that you Punk?". When they were onstage it was like a riot was the next step...energy, passion and belief in their aims...the music was class and the message was class war. I was at the Surbiton Riot gig too...you just could sense in the air that the punks could stand up to the authoritarians, OK they were always win (what changes in years, decades??) but for a brief moment (much like the summer riots of 2010) society got a wake-up call and reality check of the largest denominations. They are still going in 2011 I dare say...well done Colin and the boys. metal bled into Punk and everyone seemed to be heading over that way. Antisect split and reformed quicker than a punk hairdo melting down the front of Discharge gig. Antisect came back (in Black) again but now had a girl second singer (Caroline) and grunged it up and trod a musical differing path much like Sacrilege did. Although Antisect still stood in punk places and would continue to do so for all their days. Discharge on the other hand had a few new members here and there and kept a low, and ulimately destructively, profile for themsleves in 1984. I think rainy and cal were around...Garry too for a while....while recent addition pete ´Pooch´Purtill left and formed Helles Belles with a few ex-punkers and metallers. They fused Punk with glam rock...something you would have thought scientifically improbable. They pulled it off though. Punk squatting was in Hackney all year...but young people never get on forever....like old people...but only younger....!! So people go various ways for various reasons. Tensions were high ina Punk squat where I was (it wasnt the only one!) resulting in a peace punk hitting me as I slept with a hammer (....he, of course, waited till everyone had gone out...before hitting me while I slept of course...fortune favours the brave!!!). Upon hearing my angry retort (after I had stood up) "Put that fucking hammer down you coward". ...he then did.....A second later he was getting up off the floor as he collided with my fist at full tilt. Within two hours he was back home with his mum n dad in Essex sporting a much expanded face. You know you are to blame when people go that far...two sides to every story. So outside of the squat scene people hated you a lot...and even inside too. So squatting was replaced by a flat...well two of my fellow squatters got a flat together without telling me fo course...and ´84 became a totally tractuous year where people you had associated or lived with..suddenly did their own selfish thing...perhaps I did too aswell. Music was good..but looking back at Punk in ´83 when you were in ´84 seemed like a better time. The ´Hackney Hell Crew´ (as they comically named themselves) were squatting around tut corner and were outdoing each other liek a reality TV show on Punk looking back on it. The humour and fun was superb and irreplaceable...but it became a contrived competition that bored me know end. The expectation upon you was quite the driving force to become enough for you to act upon a punk stage like it was a gig or you were a performer of some weird mind state. being away and outside of them made me realise how pathetic it had become in a sense, I was in that crowd for a while. Yes it was mad, crazy and unique a beautiful concoction of young wild, alternatively tangently-thinking individuals. But for all its self-satisfying fun...I guess we had become the very public we would never ever wish to meet on a tube train bus or street, We had become obnoxiously normal...like the society we sang about not being part of...and even changing for the better. Yobs and loud young uncaring kids nourishing themsleves at others expense. Self analysis is hard to come by (at any age) let alone when you are wild, young and seeminglt feelin´free. Great great times in many ways....embaressing in many others. A rented flat soon came to put an end to all that malarkey (for me) at the end of the year. It was in fairness many ways like a squat...but it was stability and for a young punk of 21 it was, then something I liked and felt good about. I had changed or worked around a situation that had changed outta my control. It was not the total end of squatting fo me though...I did it again for about 18 months at the tail-end of the 8's and the start of the ´90s too. Living with the guitarist in Blur (before they were Blur) in South London. English Dogs went me(n)tal too...or at least tried to. that was the thign about the Punk bands that went metal. They had not grown up on it presumably and did not know how to approach it at all. They seemed to make all the chronic mistakes that most young metal bands did too. Sacrilege aside, they went all crap...Antisect didnt venture that far into metal...they made a dirty noise